When I Grow Up...

You know the phrase, "When I grow up I want to be..."? Well, I have been thinking about that saying a bit today and realized that even at my age, I still don't know what I want to 'be'.

When I was young I wanted to be a veterinarian. I love animals. Over summer vacation I would write reports on different breeds of dog just for fun. I know more about the different breeds of dogs than any non-vet should.

Then I found out that to become a vet, you needed to actually have a clue about math and science. Instead of working through my hang-ups with those subjects, I decided to give up that particular goal.

I toyed with the idea of being a nurse, but after spending a summer as a physical therapy assistant at a convalescent center and seeing what the lower-rung-of-the-ladder nurses have to clean up, I changed my mind. I did like working with the people, so occasionally I reconsider the health field.

I decided at one point to get my college degree in English. Then when I had to learn Portuguese and realized that I actually don't know English I changed my mind again. I still blow the verbs in Portuguese simply because I don't remember all the tense rules in English.

I considered getting an art degree--I like to paint and sculpt and draw. But honestly, I am horrible at self-promotion. I would never be able to make a living being an artist because I would never charge enough for my work thinking that no one would pay me what I am worth.

I do like the idea of writing for a living, but I know how difficult that is to make any money on too. The difference there though is that I would have an editor to fix my contractions, and hopefully an agent to help with my contracts. I do sometimes fall into the 'not quite good enough' self-pity move when writing, like with my art, but I like the creativity and bringing characters to life. Maybe I could write stories and do the illustrations or covers. That way I could do both.

In two years my youngest kids will be in school. That is where I am looking right now. I know how fast two years goes, and I really want to have a clue about what to do with myself when I don't have the 24/7 responsibility with staying home all day with little ones.

Truth be told, I have the job I want right now. Being a stay-at-home mom isn't glamorous and can be thankless, but it is rewarding when your kids excel at being human.

I always planned on continuing my education when my kids went to school. I just thought that by now I would know what to study, what to aim for, what to major in.

Maybe I'll just be a perpetual junior in college. (I already have my Associates Degree from a Jr. College). Take a whole bunch of classes, expand my knowledge moving from 'Barney & Friends' to Beethoven & French Impressionism.

And just along those lines, but off the subject a bit--I know a guy who actually grew up to be a train engineer. And one who grew up to be a fireman. Those are careers that you always hear little boys say they want when they grow up, and I am so darn impressed that I actually know some who really did. You might even say I envy them. They knew what they wanted, and they did it.

When I grow up...I want to be happy with how I turned out. I want to know that I make more people smile than frown, and I want to be the kind of person that people are glad to know. I don't know if there is a college degree in that, or even a college course, but I'm fairly certain it doesn't take a stitch of math to do, so I'm in. :)