A woman I know online--not in real life--has a teen aged daughter who is going to start dating soon. This lady wants to give her daughter a 'course' on dating, so she will know what to look forward to, what to anticipate--what to avoid--etc. Because of this course, she asked the opinion of about 25 ladies and a couple of gentlemen on what they would include in this course.
Me, having an opinion on pretty much anything...I posted some tongue-in-cheek responses (should you say tongue-in-cheek when talking about teenagers and dating? All of a sudden that just doesn't look right at all....), and a couple of more serious answers.
Also, because I usually have an opinion but also can be swayed fairly easily if someone has a darn good argument, I start second guessing myself and my answers. Then, to get really psychotic I start wondering what I would do if I gave a 'course' to MY teen aged daughters. And let me tell you...it is a really good thing that I'm not the type to lose sleep over worry or I would be going on only about 13 1/2 minutes of quality R.E.M. about now...
I probably should think about that last one before I start offering flowing, humorous, "John Hughes" type answers. I'm fairly certain that some of my answers wouldn't make it to a course that I give to my own kids.
So here are the top ten answers from this woman's poll that I would actually tell one of my kids if I were trying to teach them about dating. These are taken from different folks from different areas of the country.:
10. It is okay to leave if you are on a bad date--call me and I'll come and get you if you are in a situation you don't feel comfortable with.
9. Most of the time, a friend is the best date. Going out with someone you have a 'crush' on is a lot of pressure and can be not as much fun as going out with someone you feel comfortable with.
8. Group dating is fun! Less awkward moments and lulls in conversation.
7. Some of the most fun dates are the ones that go wrong--go with the flow and make the best of the situation.
6. Respect each other.
5. Boys actually have feelings too, so be nice. Especially if you turn one down when he asks you out. But remember that you don't have to say yes, just because a boy got the nerve up to ask you on a date. Pity dates aren't good for either party.
4. Guaranteed, at least one boy at some point in your life will make you cry. That is life. Take a tissue and move on.
3. (Thanks Aimee for this next one:) Think of the $1000 question...is kissing that boy worth losing $1000. If not, don't. If he is, do. [to sum up the explanation on that one...a friend of Aimee's told her daughters that if they made it to the age of 18 without being kissed, they would give them $1000...makes them stop and think. And hopefully make better choices. More discriminate ones anyway]
2. Unfortunately, date rape and getting drugged without your knowledge is more and more common. Don't let anyone fill a drink for you and don't leave your drink unattended.
1. Have fun. Dating is for getting to know people. Making friends. Learning what characteristics you will ultimately look for in a spouse. Learning how to interact with people who are different than you. It really is fun. Really.
If anyone else has anything to add, please leave a comment. Or two, or ten. My oldest daughter will be 16 in 9 months. It seems far away still, but it will fly by. I am actually more worried about the dating part of her life than I am about her getting her driver's license and driving. Even with talking and teaching her about consequences and values, curfews and rules, I am going to be a basket case every time she walks out the door with a member of the opposite sex.
I think I'm going to buy stock in L'Oreal. My hair is going to become a lovely shade of gray really soon. I can feel it. I will probably keep the economy booming simply by the amount of hair color I start to buy to cover my silver strands of panic. :)
4 comments:
Yeah, I have no suggestions for you. Just that this post reminded me of one part of a blessing Russ gave me when we found out that I'm pregnant. The blessing mentioned teaching my children (especially the girls) about chastity and how important it is, especially with Satan working so hard to convince them otherwise. Said that if I study the scriptures and pray about it, I will be given a vision that will show me exactly what to teach. Said that it's important to have a clear idea on what to teach on the subject. Now if I would stop being lazy and act on it.....
When you figure that part out, let me know. But hurry it up will ya? :) Your daughters are a lot younger than my oldest girls..I don't think I can wait until your Emma is 16 to find out what you are supposed to teach.
OK - two pieces of dating advice -
From my Mom - Don't judge a guy by how good looking he may or may not be. It's usually the ones who aren't gorgeous and popular who treat you with respect, like you for who you are instead of what you look like, and who you laugh and have the best time with.
From my branch president at Penn State University: When or if you start feeling those tingly feelings that make you want to cuddle up a bit closer - then it's time to go home. This can be when you hug, kiss, or even the simple act of holding hands while you walk down the street. Pay attention and don't dismiss it. That's the Holy Ghost letting you know it's time to back off.
I hope these help. They definitely were the most helpful tips I received and remembered while I was dating. And helped guide me to my absolutely wonderful husband. So I know they work!
Fabulous comments. I agree wholeheartedly with you. I will definitely include those two in my date chat with my daughters. :)
Thanks.
Post a Comment