Trying to Get Over It

I have a problem.

I don't really see it as a huge problem, but it drives my husband crazy--and has for most of the 17 years we've been married.

And since I've had this problem for 17 years (more really), you would think that I would either get over it..or HE would.

But since that isn't happening, maybe if I purge my problems here and 'talk' it out, I might see this in a different way and be able to adjust my methods. Or I'll come up with a new argument for my husband that will let him see my madness in a better light. :)

So, here it is.

I cannot clean my house well when anyone is home.

Oh, I can straighten and vacuum with the best of them, but deep down clean? Not a chance. I hate it. (And that should be in capital letters...H-A-T-E)

I'm not fond of cleaning anyway. I don't know many who are. Although I admit I like and prefer it when everything IS clean, I just dislike everything about getting to that point.

When I was in college I would make all my roommates leave for a couple of hours so I could clean the apartment. I would turn my stereo up with a cassette tape of songs that I know all the words to so that I could sing along--usually a compilation I made myself with 80's hits (since...hello...this was back IN the 80's). I would clean, scrub, and mop. The apartment would sparkle and smell nice. My roommates would be more than happy to leave me to my madness since that would mean they wouldn't have to clean.

I think all of this is because I don't like cleaning when other people are around. I don't like it when they are watching me clean. I don't like it when they come through behind me and mess up what I just finished. I don't like it when I get interrupted in the middle of doing something to help out someone else or answer a question...

I also think I really just want 5 minutes at the end of my cleaning blitz to know that for that instant in time, my house/apartment is CLEAN. 5 min. That is all I ask.

My husband (and probably all of you reading this...) thinks I should just 'get over it'. And I should. But this is a long ingrained habit. My stomach actually tenses up at the thought of mopping the kitchen floor or cleaning a bathroom when all of my kids are home. Because I KNOW that 3.7 minutes into it, someone is going to start whining or fighting or demanding attention and I am going to lose it and get my evil-mom-scrunchy-face going.

Cleaning isn't fun anyway...but to clean with the knowledge that nothing I do is going to stay that way--my insane meter starts flashing warning signals. And if I clean too early in the day my husband will come home and wonder what I've been doing all day...sad, but true. I have to time my cleaning to coincide with when he walks in the door. That has been my compensation for him with my OCD response to cleaning with company. Clean just before he gets home and hope that at least ONE room in the house stays in some semblance of order long enough for him to appreciate the effort.

I know that if I just teach my kids to clean up better after themselves, or help out more in the actual cleaning that it would be better. But with all the patience I have in my body (which is actually quite a bit), the patience for cleaning is the shortest straw I have.

It's just me. I don't know why.

My husband refuses to take all the kids out for a couple of hours so I can clean--he is smarter and knows the importance of having the kids pitch in and help, but not smart enough to see that those 2 hours without everyone around would actually make his life better. What is that saying? "Happy wife, happy life"? I need to get that framed and stuck where he can see it daily. :)

My older kids, however are good at taking the younger ones to the park for an hour so I can get at least one room really clean. They know, as my roommates did, that getting out of the way meant them NOT having to clean. I am not raising stupid children.

Just messy ones.

And I have heard the "enjoy the time now, because one day your kids will be grown and you'll have all the time you never wanted to clean". Which is just a lovely thought (can you hear the violins in the background?), but until that time I still need to clean my house, the littles will be doing their best to keep me in business that way, and I'll still wish I could get my husband to take them out for a couple of hours so I can clean the way I need to clean.

I don't see me getting over it. I don't see my husband ever understanding it. So I guess we'll just keep going on like we are, and I will actually look forward to when all the kids are in school so I can have those couple of hours. It is just one more year. One more year of trying to keep evil-mom-scrunchy-face out of the picture. Trying to keep the house passable enough to appease my husband. Trying to teach the kids that cleaning will not kill them...I might, but cleaning won't...and trying to keep in mind that cliche or not, I really will be sad when no one interrupts me anymore. When the messes get smaller, the kids get bigger, and when I wake up and realize that what I thought was evil-mom-scrunchy-face is actually my real face and I have no more excuses.

What a mess.