Today is my 40th birthday.
Normally I am not opposed to people knowing my age. Heck, I don't even put much thought in having people know how much I weigh as long as they promise not to laugh--out loud anyway. Usually when I've had birthdays, people will just give me the "Happy birthday, De!"
Today, people added "So, you are forty huh? How does that feel?"
How does that feel? Are you serious?
Do you ever really wake up and feel completely different than you did when you went to sleep just a few hours earlier?
Well, I don't feel differently today than I did yesterday. I actually don't feel much different today than I did when I was 30, if you want the truth.
But I also found myself yanking a couple of grey hairs out of the top of my head today with a little more gusto. So maybe my subconscious is feeling a little different today. I'm looking for the grey hair, I'm noticing that my "laugh lines" are looking suspiciously more like "wrinkles" than I remember, and I'm wondering how many fat grams I am consuming as I eat the Belgian chocolates my friend Carola gave me today for my birthday, when I used to eat chocolate a bit more guilt-free.
So now, as the kids are finally in bed and my husband is quickly falling asleep on the couch while "watching" SportsCenter, I am reflecting a bit on today and am just glad it is almost over. Tomorrow I will still be 40, but the spotlight will be removed from me again--which is where I prefer the spotlight.
My husband invited a bunch of neighbors and friends over tonight for a surprise party for me. It was nice. I loved having everyone over, and they are great friends. (Can you feel the "but" coming on?)
BUT, I really do hate the attention a birthday brings. I would rather have everyone over for no reason. I guess it wouldn't have happened if it weren't my birthday, so if I have to have a birthday in order for people to come to my house bearing cake and gifts, I'll sacrifice getting older and feeling a little self-conscious for the evening.
Tomorrow the kids go back to school, life goes on, and I'm now 40 years old. Middle aged. Clutching hard at the grass at the top of the hill to keep from sliding down the other side. Not sure why I'm fighting it though, really. The older I get, the more excuses I'll have for saying dumb things and looking confused....I can start playing the 'age card'. Brilliant. And right now I am finally old enough that younger people think I actually know what I'm talking about. I'm experienced. Been-there-done-that. Hmm.
Someone get me a sled. I'm going to enjoy the other side of this hill.
1 comment:
Happy birthday De! I love reading your blog. This one almost makes me want to be able to grab a sled, too. Almost. It did get "Secret O' Life" stuck in my head though, so thank you. "Sliding down and gliding down. Try not to try too hard, it's just a lovely ride." :)
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