Monday Rambling on Sarcasm. Great.

I've been thinking a bit about sarcasm.

The whole concept of that method of communication...the skill one needs in order to be sarcastic and not make everyone around them angry. Or sad. Or take it completely personally and have any of a dozen reactions.

To me, sarcasm is an ornery sense of humor. It is usually a bit (a lot) negative, and it is a huge mockery of any given situation.

It is also usually used in my family way too much. My kids grow up with a strong sarcasm streak. Which is actually fine in some situations, but we have found that other people's children don't 'get' sarcasm. My kids end up saying something that would make an adult chuckle, but makes a peer of theirs frown.

Comedy is a big part of our family life and we have treated our kids as real people instead of "babies", so they seem to have picked up a good grasp of adult humor (fortunately not anything risque...but anything else doesn't get past them very often). We have had comments from teachers about all of our kids and their sense of humor...i.e. a first grade teacher telling us that she would make an "inside joke" in her lessons that she was sure would go over all of her student's heads, but would look up and see one of my kids laughing. She would at that point have to be more careful with her humoring herself in class when she found out that my kids 'got' her jokes.

So my kids are funny. They just are. Just last night we had home teachers over and the man giving the lesson asked what is "Be One". My nine year old son immediately popped off with "A number in bingo".

And then he laughed and laughed. (1. I need to be quicker, because honestly when he said that it took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about...and 2. I should also work on having the kids not laugh at their own jokes..they work better that way :) )

Sarcasm, however, is a whole different ball of wax. When you use sarcasm in a situation with people who appreciate a good sarcastic comment, it is great. When you use sarcasm around people who aren't good at picking up on sarcasm...or when you think you are being sarcastic but don't use the right intonations so it sounds like an insult and not a sarcastic comment--well, that can just be awkward.

My 14-year old daughter is my most sarcastic child. She has friends who appreciate it. And she has distant acquaintances who think she is rude. We need to work a bit on her delivery and timing with people like the latter...or get her to find her "off" switch so she can be a normal human with people who don't understand sarcasm or who haven't really been around it before.

I can see her sarcasm coming a mile away. If you know what to look for with her, you know to take the next phrase out of her mouth with a grain of salt. Her eyes narrow and she usually uses a slight hand gesture. And the sentence coming out usually begins with "Uh, ya...".

I've seen her make kids cry because of a sentence that started with those two words.

That usually means she failed in either the delivery or her ability to assess whether or not the person she was talking with could handle some sarcasm.

I will admit that I've never seen her use sarcasm on anyone undeserving of a little shake-up. But still. She needs to find a kind and gentle use for her sarcasm.

Good time to use sarcasm for her: Helping her sister learn how to make mac & cheese on her own...

"Uh, ya....some people probably like macaroni and cheese soup, but the rest of us read the directions on the back of the box and pay attention to the part right here that says "DRAIN"."

Bad time for her to use sarcasm: During a close soccer game after the other team scores a goal on us...to the goalie...

"Uh, ya...I think you were supposed to NOT let the ball go in the net. But maybe that's just me."

(Goalies don't have much of a sense of humor after they have to walk back and take a ball out of the net...but besides that, our goalie outweighs Kelly by 50 pounds and has a good 7 inches on her...you'd think self-preservation alone would keep her from yapping. But no).

Sarcasm is practically an art-form. You have to use the right tone with your voice, you have to try to quickly judge the situation and the people involved and hopefully be able to pull the sarcasm back if you find yourself wanting to say something but realize it would be a bad idea. It is subtle and blatant all at the same time.

Whatever that means.

Uh, ya...nice try on waxing philosophical with sarcasm. Good one. Really.

20 Year Reunions and the Sneetches

My twenty-year high school reunion was a couple of years ago. I know I try to avoid blogging about things that age me, but there you have it.

I attended my 5-year reunion with a date. Everyone after five years still seemed the same. Same groups of people hanging out and talking about the other groups, no one losing their hair yet. Most still looking young and fit. It was held at the high school, and honestly if they had thrown up some tacky banners and more streamers, hired a photographer whose skill lay in taking the worst photos possible with a disco-ball thrown in for good measure, it would have felt like we'd never left. It would have been a high school 'stomp', but with better refreshments.

I attended my 10-year reunion with my husband. I had gone with him the year before to his 10-year reunion and had high hopes for fun and reminiscing--his reunion was fun and I didn't know anyone there at all. Mine was still filled with some clicks that refused to go away, and someone had the bright idea of showing the video montage of our senior year in high school for the highlight of the program. Apparently it was the idea of the people who were in every single scene. Not really the all encompassing love and feel-good situation for the majority of the folks who had paid money for a lousy dinner and lame entertainment. So, after 10 years people were still a little young. Still focused on self. But there were some balding heads and protruding bellies, which thrilled me--so you can see there that I was still my shallow self. :) The good news is that they held it in a resort instead of at the high school...but it did make it hard for the materialistic people to show off the make and model of car they drove up for the occasion....

There was no 15-year reunion--thank goodness.

For my 20-year reunion life had changed. For almost everyone. Suddenly who you were or who you knew didn't matter so much. A lot of people had to look at the name tag to place the face. Some looked the same as they did in high school. The rats. :)

But we could all sit at random tables--not knowing who you were sitting next to until you checked their name tag...and even then you might still not have a clue who they were...and it didn't matter. We could talk, converse, listen. We could share high school stories that even if they weren't directly involved, they understood and appreciated. They had been there. But it didn't matter if they were 'jocks', 'stoners', 'cowboys'...etc. back then. Today they are men and women who happened to have graduated from the same high school the same year I did. They have jobs and responsibilities. Kids. Spouses. Mortgages.

The whole evening was eye opening. I thought about my own kids who at the time would be starting high school in the very near future and thought that if I could teach them anything that would help them enjoy high school more, it would be for them to grasp the concept that clicks don't matter. People matter. If you see someone who needs a friend, BE a friend. It shouldn't matter if they wear a cowboy hat or have multiple piercings. Because in 20 years, these same people will look a lot like you. The clicks will be gone. But they will remember a friend.

In my "deep" pondering I realized Dr. Seuss was a genius. (And in looking for a picture online, I found that I wasn't the only one to think of this line...confirming that I'm NOT all that deep and philosophical...) I'm talking about his story about the Sneetches--you know the one. Star-bellied sneetches and those without "stars on thars"...They all thought having a star on their belly made them better than those without. Until the Mr. McBean and his machine came along and put stars on the bellies of those who didn't have them before, which made the star-bellied sneetches upset so they had theirs removed--and the cycle continued until no one could remember who had a star and who didn't. (Well, and they ran out of money...so they couldn't continue the insanity :) )

But they realized that star or no star, they were really a lot alike. They could accept each other as is. Star. No star.

It is like high school. The goths aren't bad people. The nerds are worth getting to know for more than homework help. The jocks can actually carry a conversation with real words and not just grunts and sports plays. The "in" crowd has down moments just like every other kid on the planet. In other words, star or no star, we all have thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs. And we all need a friendly face and someone who will accept us for who we are.

Because 20 years from now the 'stars' won't matter.

If I could teach that to my kids now, it wouldn't take 20 years for them to figure that out. I can't imagine that being a bad thing.

The Power of Pudding

As I type this blog, I am taking five minutes out of my housecleaning schedule to test a theory.

The theory? What are three four-year olds willing to do for a Snack Pack pudding?

All of my older kids are in school, so I get to try to keep the littles busy/entertained/exhausted in order to keep them out of trouble. Or attempt that seemingly impossible task anyway.

So I have just informed them that if they clean the tv room, they can have a pudding.

They are now "folding" blankets and picking up their toys. (To be 100% honest, they are doing those things between bouts of throwing plastic toys at each other--thus the pause in cleaning while they cry and come tell me about it--whining, and using the bathroom).

Apparently I have not only taught them how to clean, but how to do anything else EXCEPT clean. (My typing here is proof of that...I'm avoiding it too)

Let me update their progress and get back to you............

Um. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

The youngest 4 year old has just jammed a video into the VCR the wrong way. The oldest 4 year old is gazing longingly at the pudding in the pantry. And the middle 4 year old is back in the bathroom hoping for a longer break in the action.

[sigh] I guess that means I get to go help them finish the job.

It was a good theory. They did their best, and it kept them out of major trouble (well, unless I can't get the video unstuck....).

I will have to stock up on the pudding and we'll keep at it until they either get the whole idea of keeping things clean--or they grow out of the pudding bribery stage and move on to cold hard cash....

Classics

Unneeded background info: I coach a competition soccer team (girls U14) and drive my daughter and three other girls to practice each week.

Point of the background: During these drives, undoubtedly the girls will get into an arguement about which actor is the "hottest".

Why? One of the girls is a H-U-G-E fan of Johnny Depp, and another of the girls thinks Depp is the exact opposite of hot. I think they all get a kick out of the one defending Johnny and the other bashing him openly.

Now, in all fairness for this war, the one who doesn't like Johnny Depp is a superheros fan--she likes all actors who played Superman, Spiderman, etc. And the Depp stalker thinks that anyone who would wear tights to his job needs some serious help. (She does admit though that should Johnny wear tights, she would be more than fine with that. :) )

The conversation this past Tuesday turned to "Well, if you don't like Johnny Depp (or Christopher Reeve, etc.) who DO you like?

The girls all named some guys who surprised me (guys I agreed with) and some who I had never heard of (which made me feel old).

Surprisingly, the superhero fan mentioned one of my all time favorites..and it surprised me because of the fact that this guy is older than MY time, so I didn't think an even younger generation would mention him. But in thinking it over I realized that some actors are just flat out classics. Timeless. Some come and go, but others are going to always be revered as someone a little special. Who can make hearts beat a little faster long after they have passed on.

Here he is. I don't think I need to mention his name.

Favorite movies? I love 'An Affair to Remember', 'Bringing Up Baby', 'The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer'....

I will watch any movie he is in.

Some people say that George Clooney is the new Cary Grant.

I like George just fine.

But there is no one like Cary Grant.

If you have any timeless actors you'd like to add, please leave a comment. Current actors, actors who have passed on...

I'm fairly certain my 15 y.o. daughter would add Harrison Ford, and my mom would probably add Elvis to the mix.

But scroll back up and look at that face. Remember a movie you have seen him in.

[sigh]

Classic.

Moving Siblings

I am the oldest of six kids. All of us were fairly close--there is a span of only 7 years between me and my youngest sister--and we all basically ended up married and living in the same general valley where we grew up.


Before marrying, four of us went away to college--our first living away from home scenario.

Those same four also served missions for our church, so we had the opportunity to get out of our valley and taste a bit of independence before we found our respective spouses and married.


When my 2nd sister moved out of State with her husband for her work, I was happy for her because she was one who stayed in the valley for college and didn't serve a mission. So I knew that even though she has always been the more mature sister--even 3 years younger than me--I knew that getting away from the valley with her husband would be a good move for them. It would help her grow and learn things you can only learn when you leave the comfort of your extended family and have to rely more on yourself and your spouse to make things work.


She has since moved back to our State and lives about 15 minutes away from our mom and dad.


Same thing happened when the sister who is 19 months younger than I am moved to the other end of the State...far enough away to learn those same things--she moved to the town where the other four of us went to college, so I was also a bit jealous of that move. I love it where she moved. Now she lives in a different State even further away than before, and because of the type of work her husband does, I don't see her moving back to this State. Which is a bummer if truth be told. It's weird, because even if she lived in the same town I do it wouldn't guarantee I'd see her more often. I'd like to think I would, but life gets crazy. I think it would only make me feel better because I would know that we COULD see each other if we wanted. I could sign her up and make her play soccer with me so I'm not the only old fart playing co-ed soccer...:)


One of my youngest sisters moved out of State a couple of years ago and that was weird because even though she is 7 years younger than me--which actually makes her a bonafide adult to the rest of the world--I still think of her and her twin sister as 14, so for her to be married and the mom of four kids is shocking enough without adding in the bonus of her actually having the nerve to move 6 hours away.


And now as of a couple of weeks ago, my dearest onliest brother has taken his cute family and moved not only out of State, but across the country. He is proof that if a sibling lives in your same town it doesn't guarantee you'll ever really see them...they had been living not even 5 minutes from me and we really only saw each other when passing on info. etc. from our parents. Which is sad, really.


And the saddest part is that it shows that cliches are cliches for a reason--no one would say "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" unless millions of us do exactly that.


So now my brother and two of my sisters live out of State. And while I'm happy for them since the moves seem to be the best for them, I'm bummed for myself. (Since it is really all about me ;) )


Taking advantage of having family around is something I apparently haven't learned--even after going away to college and serving a mission. Taking people you love for granted isn't a very nice thing for me to do. I do the same thing with friends...so my family doesn't need to feel that kind of special. I'm lame on all sorts of levels.

I don't really think about siblings being out of reach until we have family gatherings or events and I catch myself looking around my mom's house wondering where so-and-so are and then realizing that they actually won't be there.

They will miss out on Mom's early Thanksgiving dinner of roast, having all the cousins getting to know each other, catching up on the mountains of meaningless gossip and sometimes inappropriate topics of conversation (I'll save that explanation for a different blog--something to look forward to :) )...

And we (I) will miss out on seeing their kids grow, having them have any idea who we really are...my kids will hear about a cousin of theirs and ask "Who is that?". Granted, with mom having 28 grandkids, my kids might say that anyway...but still. I'm trying to make a point here. We will miss out on their special occasions, and they will probably not actually miss the meaningless gossip and inappropriate conversations.

I'm going to have to actually put myself out and be a normal human being who remembers birthdays and sends Christmas cards in order to stay connected to my siblings. It will probably be good for me. Make me grow and progress into becoming someone decent.

So thanks for moving and making me be a better person. (Because remember--it really IS all about me...)

But if you don't mind, I'll keep on missing you guys anyway.

And that has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with what great people you guys are.

I love you.

(Even Brian ) :)

Things I Wish

I wish chocolate was a diet food. Man, I would look smokin' hot....

I wish my house was always as clean as it is when I know I'm having company stay over. Enough said.

I wish my kids minded me the first time. Not the twenty-third time--if I'm lucky.

I wish I had snappy comebacks for all occasions. Not snappy comebacks an hour after it would have been useful.

I wish I were as funny as I think I am...but I'm positive real comedians probably don't make themselves laugh harder than those hearing the jokes....

I wish I were more smarter. :)

I wish my suburban got 36 miles to the gallon. Instead of 36 miles to the tank.

I wish I had a better memory--but then I would probably hold grudges, so I'll have to think about that one for awhile...

I wish there really were time machines. But there were wacky restrictions, like you could only use it three (round trip) times in your lifetime and couldn't change anything major...it would be fun to go make different choices now with hindsight and all. You couldn't change life or death situations, but maybe you could go be nicer to someone who you find out later has a difficult life. Or maybe work a little harder on your mission, or grades, or friendships. Or maybe just go back to re-live something that was perfect but that you aren't 100% clear on anymore, like your wedding day or a family vacation, or whatever.

I wish I knew where the book I'm trying to write is going. I really should work harder on that.

I wish this blog wasn't so lame. I am in something of a rut I guess, but that's what wishes are for, right?

Just some ramblings for you.

I am consistent. Remember that. :)

Crazy Family Ramblings Today

I won't apologize for my ramblings today...mostly because I don't feel like apologizing.

So there. :)

First up for the big ramble is that today my newest nephew Dylan had heart surgery yesterday. He was born on August 1st and is a doll. He was born with truncus (sp??) and if you go to my sister Cindy's blog site you can see photos of him and figure out what his heart issue is. Go there. To her site. He is a cute baby and she will probably keep everyone updated...

So yesterday was a worry day. Which is probably why I'm in full ramble mode.

My other worry yesterday was my 15 y.o. daughter trying out for the high school soccer team. She made first cuts and yesterday was the last day to tryout before final cuts and then the roster getting posted. Luckily for everyone involved, tryouts ended at 5:30 and the coach was going to post the results online around 7, so with travel time back home and then my daughter showering, we only had to fret for about an hour before she got the good news that she made the team.

My daughter squeals when she is excited. At a really high pitched frequency. I had no idea.

I'm glad I don't have to find out what would have happened if she hadn't made the team this go around...

For tonight, I had my second to last DCFS training class (for foster care licensing). Hallelujah. 32 hours of training is not my idea of a good time. Not when you realize that if you had just kept your license current--even if you didn't want to foster for a bit--that I would have only had to take 12 hours of training spread out over 12 months instead of 32 hours jammed into one month.

So I sit through the classes that I have already taken before and listen to random people make comments to the teacher just to hear themselves speak. And of course I am thinking the whole time that if they would just shut their yap we could get out early and still get full credit. Which then starts my mind wandering through the comedian Brian Regan's routines and I have to force myself to not laugh out loud for no apparent reason.

Of course, being the crazy one in class might have benefits...I should have figured that out on the first day instead of waiting until the end...:)

So to end my rambling, here is some Brian Regan for you to enjoy. I'm not smart enough to figure out how to post the youtube directly here, so check out the link and then do yourself a favor and take the time to watch some of his other clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9m2FLHlEwA